Almost a Year of Alien Takeover

The only pregnancy I’ve ever really seen the ins and outs of was my own mother’s when she was carrying my brother. One of the most memorable moments was a day when she made me skip school to go to  doctors appointment with her, and they had to stick a giant Q-tip in her…well, you can guess where it had to go. Five-years-old, I rolled around on the floor laughing. 29-years-old, I sit here squeamish.

The idea, the thought, the reality of a human growing inside of me is terrifying. I’m barely good at keeping myself alive, so the pressure of being responsible for that baby in my body – NOPE. Don’t want that. I’m not strong enough and that’s why I respect those who’ve gone through pregnancies. I can’t even imagine what those months feel like. You can always hear the tales and of course ask questions but the fact is – you’ll never really know until you go through it, so I guess I never will.

Don’t get me wrong, I get baby fever from time to time when I see an adorable baby on Instagram but it’s the whole having to carry it around thing that definitely derails those initial thoughts. Plus, remember…I’m not adult enough to put a kid’s needs before mine right now, perhaps ever. Hey, at least I can admit that and take my little pill every day to make sure I don’t bring anyone into my world that I’m not fully prepared to care for.

Back to the pregnancy thing though, scared shitless that one day I’ll go through that. I remember the first time I ever took one of those piss tests, sitting in the bathroom for a few minutes hoping like hell it read the results I needed it to. It’s a scenario I’m sure many have gone through in their lifetime. So that’s why again, I pop that pill daily and always make sure we’re protected because I don’t want to start something I don’t want to and sure as hell can’t finish.


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