Forever Alone: The Shame and The Empowerment
Like all things, there are two sides to the idea of being single. Some feel like it’s a blessing to be free and others view it as a curse worse than death. We’ve gone through everything in the dating realm from being in a relationship to the breakup, but this week we’re looking at those who aren’t tied down to anyone by any means. The single folk…some single by choice, others single well because…we’ll look at some of the reasons why.

The positive side of being single, especially in your 20’s and early 30’s, is the freedom it brings to the table. There is no one you have to look out for but yourself and you are free to come and go as you please. How many shows and movies have we watched where a couple has to deal with the “oh my god you got a job on the other side of the country” plot where they either move together or breakup because one doesn’t want to give up their life where they are? When you’re single, that is never an issue. So the guy you’re hooking up with every other week has to move to Germany, oh well – you’ll find another. You get to be emotionally disconnected when you’re single and sex can remain a physical aspect of pleasure instead of a bonding experience.

With each positive though, comes a negative and there are definitely some when you’re riding solo. Rachel Dratch said in her memoir that when she hit her late 30’s and wasn’t married that she “felt somewhat ashamed” she wasn’t married yet. That’s because there is a stigma to being single as we get older.  Xavier Amador and Judith Kiersky noted just that in Being Single in a Couple’s World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love when they pointed out how “being single can be alienating and sometimes even demoralizing,” and how that often times single folks can feel “invisible.”
That’s not all they said though. Do you know how there are those independent men and women who love to be single, and then there are those who are always moping around about it? Well Amador and Kiersky also noted that if you’re a bitter single, you can’t go around blaming everyone for the problem to make yourself feel better. Another important fact to examine is why you’re single…could it be one of the reasons noted in Being Single in a Couple’s World – the fact that some bitter singles are too delusional about love? They said some are stuck in that whole “grass is always greener” on the other side mentality and can’t be happy with what’s presented in front of them. I said this during our week of online dating, but say in your lane. Don’t expect Zac Efron when you are not a Scarlett Johansson.

Whether single by choice or because you’re a little delusional, the fact is that not everyone needs to be in a relationship at this very second. If you’re happy and single, keep on doing you. You’re fine. Bitter single people though, note that you are not the only one on this boat. There are what, some 40 million people dating online nowadays, so get out there and like the book noted and Melissa McCarthy said in Bridesmaids, “You’re your problem, and you’re also your solution.”
This week we’ll talk to a hilarious girl who is swinging single, get into how there’s someone out there for everyone, take a trip to a swamp and then of course end the usual way.


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