Remember When Pete Holmes had a Talk Show?


“I can’t be grown at home” – Pete Holmes

2014 was a really weird, yet exploratory year for me. I decided dating was something I should try, I grew balls and stood up to a boss for the first time and I spent many months falling for Pete Holmes. Anything that follows Conan usually stays on, unless it’s Cougartown. Sorry Monica Geller but you were not welcomed in that Victory Blvd. apartment. She wasn’t, but Holmes was. His talk show wasn’t the best but he was like a semi-special puppy you felt like you had to love for some reason, and I did. Today the attraction is as present as Britney Spears’ ability to sing live, but nevertheless he said a line back then that has continued to stick out among the many that call my Tumblr home, “I can’t be grown at home.”

The line stemmed from a story about visiting his parents and how even though he’s an adult, something about being there makes him revert back into a child. Speaking at the dinner table somehow became an unbearable task, waking up early was a no go and so forth and so on. It rings true, there’s something a little crippling when you head home for the holidays or just a random visit. Those who’ve moved out may be able to relate to this. Do you or do you not act a little like your teenage self, only with much more finesse? Like, you’re not rolling your eyes and freaking out about your mom showing your significant other your baby pictures because you’re over that, but the second your sibling bothers you, you instantly find yourself yelling, “Mom!”

If those who’ve moved out and established the idea of home elsewhere feel like that during just a visit, how do people feel who’ve yet to call the U-Haul place? It must be hard because in reality, they’re still on their parent’s turf. They have a home field advantage and are calling all the shots. Plus, if these adult children aren’t financially contributing, their parents aren’t going to give them much wiggle room. Yes, they’ll respect when you have guests over but they may be constrictive when it comes to when and what time that can happen. Sneaking a Tinder hook up into your bedroom at 2am only to find your dad saying the cut off for sexy time is midnight, now that’s a bit odd for a 30-year-old person to deal with.

Moving out isn’t only about learning to survive and thrive as an adult, it’s about gaining freedom and the right to really feel like a grown up in a sense. There are plenty of people who are insanely mature who are under their parent’s roofs, but how grown do they feel on the inside. In or out of your parent’s, it’s hard to feel like an adult when your they’re are around. It’s like they’ll always have the upper hand because they’ve you know, lived longer and have likely dealt with more shit than you at that point – so in their eyes you’ll always be their baby, and most times we let them treat us as such. If you’re always in their house the idea of feeling grown likely diminishes more and more with each passing year.

Pete Holmes is a respected comedian who can pay his bills and while he hasn’t had a steady job since his talk show left the air last summer, he’s doing what he can to make it and even while working hard we can all assume when he heads home to Massachusetts he still feels like a 17-year-old version of himself who doesn’t want to get up in the morning.


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